I have been active as a freelance performer since 1992 and as a teacher since 1996. I currently serve as Second Flute with the Columbus Indiana Philharmonic orchestra and have performed with the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra, Indianapolis Chamber Winds, Terre Haute Symphony Orchestra, Danville (Illinois) Symphony Orchestra, Bloomington Symphony Orchestra, Bloomington Chamber Singers Orchestra, and the United States Collegiate Wind Band’s European Tour, among other ensembles. I have also enjoyed performing for various occasions such as formal and charitable recitals as well as giving master classes at Butler University in Indianapolis and at Morehead State University in Morehead, Kentucky. I am also Adjunct Professor of Flute at Indiana Wesleyan University.
I earned a Master of Music in Performance with Distinction at the Royal Northern College of Music in Manchester, England studying with Peter Lloyd and Laura Jellicoe. While in England, I played in charitable concerts for St. Augustine’s Catholic Church. I was featured as a soloist at the Pennine Spring Music Festival in Heptonstall, England in addition to performing in the music festival’s orchestral and solo events.
I earned a Bachelor of Science in Performance with Distinction at the Indiana University Jacobs School of Music where I studied principally with Kathryn Lukas. While at Indiana University, I also had the incredible opportunity to study for several weeks with Barbara Kallaur on baroque flute, Donald Peck, Thomas Robertello, and Kate Hill.
I am lucky to be the mother of three beautiful and talented children, and I play on a wonderful David Straubinger 10K gold flute with 14K head joint.
On the days I’m not teaching at Indiana Wesleyan University, I love working from home! I can be here to help get the kids out the door for school. I can workout. And, best of all, I can wear what I want, be comfortable, and not have to worry about make-up and my unruly, crazy hair. I love it! I leisurely begin my practicing with long tones and get my creative juices going by thinking about tone color and all of the different shading possibilities. After that, maybe I move on to my orchestral work or etudes, pieces, or whatever I wish. I take my time, and I feel relaxed.
The problem with being home while I’m working, is that I get almost “too relaxed” or unfocused, and I let the distractions of being in the house enter my mind. I suddenly notice that the kids’s toothpaste is all over their sink. Gross. I remember that my daughter will have no clean uniform skirts if I don’t do laundry today. The carpet needs attention. Ewwww, why is the kitchen floor sticky?! Yeah, you get me. It’s not exactly a distraction-free environment, is it? I almost let it get to me today, too. So, that’s the paradox of working from home, right? I find it easier to concentrate and focus at school or in a concert hall, but every other aspect of working is so much easier and relaxed at home.
So, how do I deal with all of these distractions and not let them blow my focus and energy? I put them off entirely … until the time is right. I try to maintain a daily schedule at home, and that does help a lot. I usually do not allow myself to do housework until my practicing is finished. Yes, the toothpaste is still all over the children’s sink. Yes, the carpet still desperately needs a visit with the vacuum cleaner. However, I know that these things can wait until it is in my schedule to take care of them, and knowing that can allow me to set those distractions aside and focus on my work. I’m not saying it’s always easy for me: like today, I caved in and started laundry early, which ate into my practice time a tiny bit. Some days it actually helps me to swap blocks of my schedule. So, if there’s something that is going to nag at me relentlessly until I get it taken care of, I’ll just deal with it first, and then carry on with my work. The trick for me is to make sure that during my work time, that’s what I’m focused on, and during my blogging or cleaning time, that’s what I’m focused on. I have to shut the door on everything else until it’s the right time. It takes will power some days, for sure, but I always thank myself in the end.
Life can come at us like a fastball, and from all different directions, too, especially when trying to juggle being a working parent. In my case, I am a musician, a mother of three children, and a wife, not to mention all of the responsibilities that come with those roles. We love every aspect of our lives, and being high-achieving, active working parents, we want to be able to do it all! But how do we juggle or balance this thing called life? Achieving a healthy work / life balance requires us to set reasonable goals, take care of ourselves, and nourish our personal relationships while we advance our careers. Here are the 4 ways I achieve a sense of balance.
1.Prioritize projects. One way to create work / life balance is to prioritize activities or projects, and set long- and short-term goals. You may have 20 different projects going on at the same time. Remember, they don’t all have to be completed immediately. Prioritize your projects. Some projects need to take a backseat and wait for a little bit. That’s OK! You’ll get to it when the time is right. Long-term goals or larger projects can be completed when you get big enough gaps in your schedule. For your short-term or smaller-sized goals, try to get the quickest or easiest jobs done during the week as much as possible. Don’t let them sit! The more you can keep up with the day-to-day bits the less stressed you will feel and the more time you will have in the end. As an example of how I help myself manage my projects, I use a small whiteboard in my kitchen to set a daily schedule for the smaller daily or weekly jobs, and on my monthly wall calendar I track when I may have time to work on my larger projects.
2. Set aside some “me time.” Making time to devote to just you is a another great step towards achieving a sense of balance. This can be difficult at times, but it’s so important and worth it! I notice a huge difference in my energy and concentration level when I find even just 10 minutes to meditate, or practice mindfulness. I also dedicate 15-20 minutes most mornings to working out or to go for a run. These practices significantly elevate my performing ability. Workouts give me energy, stamina, and strength, and meditation allows me to keep my head clear during performances and to stay relaxed during the day. Another special “me time” is heading to the Farmer’s Market most Saturdays. There are several enjoyable activities out there for your special “me time.” Think about what the most relaxing or fun way would be to spend part of a Saturday morning that’s just for you, and make it a ritual that you really look forward to each week!
3. Maintain your relationships. The one aspect of a working parent’s life that is very easy to crumble, if not well supported and maintained in a healthy way, is relationships. Continue to date your spouse or significant other, and spend time with your friends. Some couples find it best to set aside one time each week or every other week as a guaranteed date day or date night. You can even mark it in your calendar like an important appointment that you can’t miss. Whether it is a long walk on a trail or the river-walk downtown, having game night with our close friends, a relaxed dinner nearby, or a movie, as long as you can get a few hours to yourselves, it counts, and it makes a positive difference towards the relationship! This can require thinking ahead and having babysitters and even back-up babysitters lined up. Communication is also a big part of cultivating and nourishing any relationship. When things are going well, talk about it! When things are not going so well, talk about that, too. It is healthier to get your feelings, thoughts, and emotions out in the open. Socialization, dating, and communication are easy to overlook, but it is an essential part of the work/life balance. Make sure you are working it into your busy schedule from time to time!
4. Play with your children. Finally, spend quality time with your children every day. Play with them, help them with homework, read to them, and talk with them. They need to know that they are important in your life, too. It’s so easy to get completely wrapped up in your day, but by giving them your undivided attention every day, you can avoid many behavioral problems that can arise from them craving your attention. Depending on the age and temperament of the children, even 10 minutes of fun here, and another 10 minutes there can go a long way toward helping them feel secure and appreciated. Also, give yourselves a fun weekend. Being a big part of their lives enriches your relationship with them and nourishes your own sense of fulfillment.
Preserving a good work/life balance is crucial to keeping us healthy and at our peak mentally and physically. It’s easy to let ourselves fall into a workaholic rut while other important aspects of our lives fall by the wayside. With just a little adjustment to our schedules like the ones above, however, we can sustain all facets of our busy life, giving it a more structured, flourishing, and harmonious feel. Ask yourself if you can delegate any of your responsibilities, if there is a way of making one part of your day run more efficiently, if you can hire household help, or maybe you can train yourself to wake up just 20 minutes earlier for that workout. Find what works with your own life structure, and stick to it! We are creative, imaginative people with a lot to juggle. We can apply this ingenuity to balancing our work with our busy lives, and live the enriching life we crave!
(Disclaimer: A version of this article has been submitted to Ezine articles, and another version appeared in the Chicago Flute Club’s Pipeline newsletter in the summer of 2018)
This can be controversial, but I’m going to take it straight on. We have always had a soda-free house since we were married. I kicked soda out of my life in 2001, and I have never, ever looked back. I’m in my best shape, I have a great amount of energy, I look younger, I drink a lot of water, and I feel terrific about my health and outlook! I knew early on that there was no way a drink loaded in corn syrup and trade secret mystery ingredients (?? hmmm….) could possibly do no harm, and I wanted it out of my life. More importantly, I didn’t want my children getting hooked either. So, the solution was simple: don’t ever buy it. Yes, my children drink only water, milk, and a small amount of juice, mornings only, while at home, and they are surviving just fine.
Of course, there are a few things that get in the way of our no soda policy: birthday parties outside the home, hanging out with friends, school functions. Yes, kids are surrounded by it. It’s everywhere. Do they partake when mom’s not around to say no? Of course they do! They’re children! Here’s the thing they are starting to understand: they don’t like how it makes them feel, and for good reason. So, when they invariably come home complaining of a stomach ache or slight nausea, and they’ve fessed up to drinking a bunch of soda, I don’t give them an “I told you so.” I tell them I’m sorry that they feel this way, and ask them to think if they feel like they had “too much” or if something they ate or drank could have caused them to feel this way. By asking them to think about what their actions were and how it is causing their bodies to react, they can make the connection themselves, which is far more effective than me telling them what NOT to do.
We are a soda-free house because I want my children to learn to drink healthier alternatives. This is made a lot easier by never purchasing it or bringing it into the house. I do the same thing with other “junk foods.” I don’t have them in the house, so my kids don’t learn to eat them. They grab fruit, natural popcorn, or whole-grain options after school or when they need a snack on the weekends. When they are thirsty, they go for water. I am so proud that they practice making these healthy choices now, so when they get older, it’s just natural for them.
Did you know?? There is a big difference between praise (good job!) and encouragement (I really like the progress I’m seeing!). Say those phrases to yourself a few times. One of them really makes you feel a lot more satisfied and warm inside, right?! It turns out that there is a reason for it.
I stumbled upon my first article online about using encouragement over praise a few years ago, right before I made the smart switch to positive parenting. I liked what I read, but I kept forgetting to employ it consistently. I nearly forgot about it all together until I started reading my positive parenting books and made a conscious effort to really go for it. There are several articles to read about why to use encouragement over praise — and you should read them — but what I want to write about is how I got the ideas to stick the second time and the results that I noticed in my kids.
Before I dive in, I want to tell you that the book, If I Have to Tell You One More Time by Amy McCready, really helped me to get going on the encouragement front. This book is fantastic because she lists what phrases to use instead of the generic, “good job.” First off, there is nothing wrong with the occasional praise. I use it sparingly too. But that added emphasis on the action makes all of the difference. A quick Google search will help you find some encouragement phrases, too. Again, I definitely recommend reading the articles that explain why encouragement works. Here is how I implemented the strategy and got it to stick:
Write down encouraging phrases or starts of phrases on a piece of paper and leave it in a place you can easily glance at them. Like most moms, I spend most of my time in the kitchen/dining area when my kids are home. I’m cleaning up, fetching snacks, helping with homework, you name it! I spend the bulk of my afternoons to early evenings in that one spot in my house. So, I have my piece of paper tucked near the back corner of my counter and wall, where I can easily see it to quickly get ideas, but it’s out of the way so the kids don’t really notice it. That was the biggest help for me.
Practice those encouraging phrases with yourself, spouse, and friends. Practice makes perfect, right? Yep, I found that the more I used the phrases, the easier it got to make the switch. Plus, encouraging words can always brighten someone’s day, including your own day. So, get practicing right away and watch those faces light up!
Read, re-read, and refresh yourself often. Remember how I read that online article about encouragement, and it didn’t really stick that first time? Out of sight, out of mind, for sure. So, if it helps to keep your book handy or to print out or bookmark your article(s), do it to keep those ideas fresh in your mind. I keep my books, which are covered in post-it notes and tabs marking important pages, on my dresser in my bedroom, and that way I can just pull them out and get right to whatever page I need right away.
When I consistently employ encouragement-over-praise, I do see an improvement in my children’s behavior. I see that they are more willing to finish the task. I see the glow on their faces when they know how proud I am of them and how proud they are of themselves — they feel accomplished and more positive about themselves! I also notice a difference in how they respond to me. With a quick shot of praise, maybe I get a “thanks” sometimes, but with encouraging words, I’ve got their full attention. Their little antennas perk-up (so to speak) because they want to hear what it is that I like seeing in what they’ve done. Finally, when they know exactly what they’ve done that was so good, they are more apt to repeat it. They are motivated!
I’m not saying that I am perfect at utilizing encouragement every single time. Sometimes life moves so fast that a quick “good job” or “well done” is all that you can get in. And that’s okay, too! Sometimes we even relapse. I can tell you from experience that you will notice a difference in that direction, too, as you’ll have more breakdowns in behavior and motivation. But, every time I go back to being more consistent about encouragement, things always seem to improve, even if it’s by a little bit. Hey, that every bit is always worth it! Take note on their reaction as you begin to implement the change to encouragement. That is usually motivation enough to keep me going!
Working at home while the children are in the house can be a monumental challenge. I’m not gonna lie: they are my hardest days, and any parent that has tried this knows exactly what I’m talking about. The kids are off school today for Labor Day, so it’s loud, it’s chaotic, it’s a [literal] mess — I had 2 sets of blanket tents and empty fruit and cereal bowls covering my dining area just one hour ago, and laundry is piling up! The blanket tents and loud zombie playing are super fun, but with concerts starting back up, I still have to practice. And of course, then there are the inevitable arguments breaking out and all the other small “fires” (so to speak) to put out. Put it all together, and it’s very difficult to work and can leave you frazzled. It’s so easy to want to give up.
Lately, I have found the best way to handle this is to do the work in chunks: work a bit, then play, work a bit, then play. I definitely allow screen time during my work time, which does help immensely, but since I limit them to 2 hours per day it’s not enough time to get my practicing finished. So, we’ve had to experiment a lot to find a workable solution for everyone, or something that the children will at least tolerate for me. For some parents, working quite early in the morning and after the kids have gone to bed is a good solution for them. Since I’m a musician, I can’t exactly get away with that on my flute, but I have left my quieter work for when they are in bed. In the past, I have tried to do all of my practicing in the morning, leaving my afternoons free to play with my kids, but I still found myself drifting towards working in chunks anyway. Another thing that has worked well is when I’m lucky enough to have my husband home at the same time (sadly, not today), one of us can be with the children while the other one works, and then we’ll switch off. I have tried many different ways of squeezing in work while they are home.
I don’t believe that there is a solution that works perfectly well every single time. Something that may work one day doesn’t work at all the next. Just when you think you’ve got it figured out, something goes wrong. I get it. I think the key is being flexible enough to allow change to happen without disrupting our work entirely. Yes, this takes quite a bit patience and ingenuity to work around major disruptions, but developing this fluidity can save you a lot of frustration and may make you more productive overall. (Just for the record, it took me 3 chunks of time to get this blog written!)
I have suffered from poor sleep for years. Long gone are the days of a blissful 8-9 hours of sleep. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Ever. Prolonged insomnia can lead to so many health issues down the road, and it absolutely wrecks you mentally in the short-term. If you’ve ever gone even a few days of not having good sleep, you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s horrible.
My sleep problems started just before I moved to the UK for grad school. Yep, stress. Stress of getting my visa approved, stress of moving internationally, stress of being surrounded by some of the best flute students anywhere. Then, of course, there was the pressure once school started. So. Much. Stress. I think I averaged 1-3 hours of sleep total each night my first term, and I was able to up it to about 5-6 hours by my third term. I was so grateful! By the time I graduated and moved back to the States, I was sleeping better until I started having children. The cycle began again. Now, with changing hormones, it’s only getting worse! Enter another bad cycle of poor sleep. Over time, and working with my doctor, I learned some tricks to help. It’s still not perfect every single night, but I am sleeping so much better than I have in years. I’ve even managed to sleep through storms. That’s new! Now, even when I go to bed with my mind racing, I can still get to sleep. I want to share these with you, because, like I said, I wouldn’t want anyone to have to go through this, ever. (Sorry, fellow mommas, but these methods work best when you’ve not had that glass of wine.)
1. Melatonin. First of all, ask your doctor or health care provider before starting any supplements, but I use 5mg of melatonin to help me reset my circadian rhythm. We think between grad school and waking babies, it just got out of whack. I only used it once I was finished with my pregnancies and breastfeeding. Start small, like a 3mg dose if you’ve never used it before. Again, see your health care provider first!
2. Use a weighted blanket, a heavy, large DIY rice pack that you can heat up, or anything with weight. The extra weight that you put on your body helps you to feel more secure. I absolutely cannot sleep without something extra across my chest. When it is the summer, and it’s hot out, maybe I’ll just use a pillow to hug, but having the extra weight has worked very well for me. My sister-in-law let me borrow her heated rice pack when we were staying the night at her house, and it worked brilliantly!
3. Write down your worries. If you are laying down for the night and you find yourself starting to worry about anything and everything, get right back up and write them out immediately. Usually you’ll find that either the problems don’t seem so huge when you look at them on paper, or you’ll realize that you can’t actually deal with them that second, but you can easily get to them the next day. I have found that this helps me to relax because I know I have a list of tasks to tackle, and I won’t forget about them.
4. White noise. I know that they say to have a completely silent room, but that actually doesn’t work well for me. It unnerves me to have complete silence, allowing you to hear every creak and pop your house or apartment makes. Maybe I’m odd? I think what happened was learning to fall asleep with my baby’s sleep sheep over the years, and now I have to have some noise. In any case, we have a small fan that we turn on every evening. It helps to keep the air moving, which is so nice, and it gives me the white noise I feel like I need. The other advantage to white noise is that it can give you something else to focus on as you fall asleep, instead of your racing thoughts.
5. Mindfulness and imagery. I use a few techniques here. One is to breathe in slowly while thinking of the word “in” and breathe out slowly while thinking of the word “out”. This worked for me for a long time. When I begin meditating, I’ll often use this to help me get fully relaxed. Another technique that I learned from a friend is to start at your toes and imagine that you are slowly filling up your body with sand. This has been working extremely well lately. I don’t even get past my ankles before I’m out! I imagine that my feet are hollow, and the sparkling sand is very slowly falling from my toes to my heels, filling up my feet. Once your feet are full, move up your leg, allowing your leg to feel quite heavy. I love this trick!
If you are suffering from poor sleep or full-blown insomnia, please know that you are not alone. Not by a long shot! So many of us have been there, and we all wish you the best sleep. There are loads of ideas that might work for you. I also highly recommend seeing your health care provider, too. Sleep is crucial to a healthy life and for being at your best when you are caring for your children or at your job. Do try the above methods and see which work best for you. I use all of them every night, because I absolutely have to. Sweet dreams!
Math homework. Math tests. Ugh. We’ve all been there. Your child comes home with homework and questions, and you stare at the book, racking your brain trying to make heads and tails from this new way of presenting what otherwise should be a straight-forward math problem. It reminds me of the scene in the Disney movie, The Incredibles 2, where Mr. Incredible is trying to figure out his son’s 3rd grade math. “WHEN DID THEY CHANGE MATH?!?!” (The theater absolutely erupted in laughter with parents who have been there! It was great!) Yep. Brew some coffee. This going to take us a while.
So, it was with my daughter. She bombed her most recent math test. Ouch. Luckily, so did most of her class, and they got the opportunity to do a re-take of the exam because the class average was so low. Whew! (These are very bright kids at an excellent school, so that is saying something.) So, I decided we were going to take it step by step and work some each day until the day of the re-take. Well, then she developed strep throat, was really sick, and that threw my plans into the waste bin. I instantly had to go from teacher-mom to nurse-mom. Yikes, and we had only one full day after her sick day to work before the test. (Ok, don’t panic, I told myself. We can do this.)
While she was resting and fighting off her fever, and after talking through the methods with my husband, I sat myself down and worked problems over and over until I felt comfortable enough to try to teach it to her later. Yes, I sat down to study and work out 6th grade math. Ha! It’s not that I can’t do 6th grade math, but the methods used are a bit different now, and they have to use these newer methods. Sorry, kids, no more 80’s math! You have to relearn everything you were taught.
So, much later in the day, when she started to feel well enough to think about a little math, we started working. The next day (our one full day left), we literally figured the chapter out together — with a lot of rest time in between, of course — and honestly, it turned out to be fun for both of us! I genuinely got super excited when I stumbled upon how to approach a problem, and she was just as excited for me. It was all coming together for us! It was magical, and I’m not overstating it. By the end of the day, she wrote out her own test using numbers from the practice test in the book, and did it all correctly. She was proud of herself and the work we put in, and she felt ready. We had made plenty of mistakes along the way, but we got through it and learned from the mistakes. (I even got in a bit of practicing during her rest times!) This morning we touched on a few things as I was brushing her hair, and I sent her on her way full of confidence. We studied and learned together, and I found it to be a special time of bonding for us, too.
Why do I workout? Why do I excitedly or begrudgingly take off my comfy pajamas to squeeze into my tight workout clothes? (I do love my fabletics gear, but let’s be honest… ) Why do I turn on my HIIT workout and force my body into doing these crazy, super hard moves for nearly 30 minutes?! Well, I’ll tell you: I love it, and it improves me.
I love the feeling I get when I’m finally finished. That I’m-going-to-die, I-can’t-catch-my-breath, kinda-ouchy I’m-going-to-feel-this-in-the-morning feeling. I love it! If nothing else gets me through my workout, focusing on the positive feelings I’m going to get later, definitely gets me there. I love that it’s improving my phrasing and endurance with practicing and performing. I love that it takes me to my limit, so I know how hard I can push myself. Maybe I can push myself even harder the next day. I love that I have energy to play with my children at the end of the day. I love that little bit of time I can focus on ME and improving myself. (And let’s be honest here, I like to wear little sundresses, so I had better workout!)
Whatever pushes you or encourages you, find it! Use what you learn about your body and your endurance while you workout or run, for example, and apply it to other parts of your life. What I’ve learned from working out is to focus on the end and those endorphins you get when you’re finished, that “runner’s high,” right? It gets me through my 3-mile runs, and it gets me through my crazy-hard HIIT workouts, and I apply this to other tasks that have to be done but that I would rather not do. Focus on the end game and what you are trying to achieve, and allow it to push you to your goal. This is what makes me a better “me” and doing what I want to do. Try it.
I love special time. It’s time you set aside and devote to one of your children at a time. It’s time just for them, and it makes all the difference. They get to pick the game, activity, you name it, and they get your undivided attention. Wow! That makes them feel so….well….special! They get you, and they don’t have to share for 15 (or whatever you decide) whole minutes. That’s huge for a child!
The benefits of special time are immense. When the child feels like they don’t have to compete for your attention, they just don’t. They get you all to themselves. It fills up their craving to play or just be with you, and kids need this, whether or not they know it or can even articulate it. It gives them a feeling of security by being in your presence, and this carries with them. It helps to build trust and faith in you, too! And when they get to pick the activity, that gives them some positive power. Super cool — a two for one!
I always notice a big difference when I’ve neglected special time. I’m an imperfect human — my day gets away from me, we’re rushing around with sports practices, laundry needs to get finished because they need their uniforms washed, you name it! We’ve all been there. What happens when I’ve let special time slide? Behavior problems start to come up again. I’ve not given my child that positive attention that he craves, and so he acts out to get it. It happens every time. The nice thing about this is that it’s fixable. Every time. So, don’t give up! Fill your child up with quality special time every day, and be consistent. I always see a change for the good! I’m looking forward to some fun after dinner this evening!
A few months ago I felt like I really needed a radical change in my parenting style — things simply stopped working well for me. My days were getting filled with a lot of negativity, frustration, and by the end of each day, resignation and tears. What worked for my children as toddlers and preschoolers simply didn’t work for a strong-willed, athletic, and super-confident boy of 8 (for example), not to mention the different personalities of my other kiddos! After all, as our children grow and develop, so do their attitudes, interests, and behaviors (as a result of more self-awareness, maturity, and confidence). Our parenting styles, in turn, need to adapt and evolve, as well.
It just so happened that an ad for Positive Parenting Solutions — https://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/ — popped up on my Facebook feed a few months ago. I had just had a particularly hard day of my son shouting at me most of the afternoon, which he was doing really often, so I thought, “what could it hurt?” I used my practice time the next morning to watch the webinar, and I have never looked back! It opened my eyes to understanding childhood behavior and needs so much better. I immediately bought Amy McCready’s book, If I Have to Tell You One More Time, and another book, Positive Parenting, by Rebecca Eanes. I will tell you that I have read and re-read Amy’s book several times, and I have since added sticky notes to direct me straight to what I usually need guidance with the most. Rebecca’s book has been an excellent supplement for alternate approaches.
These books teach you about parenting your children through positive attention, encouragement (not to be confused with praise), and empowerment, giving them some much-needed control over their own lives. In these books you learn tools and scripts that are designed to help you encourage them and teach them life’s valuable lessons on more-or-less their terms. It teaches you that your home life is, indeed, a democracy, as opposed to the more authoritarian style that most of us grew up with. As a natural result of some of the successes of the tools and lessons I have learned along the way, I actually feel more empowered, too! What a win/win situation!
I will say that the road has been really bumpy. It’s been a challenge, for one, getting my husband on the same page as me — not because he doesn’t want to, just lack of time to learn the techniques — but it is essential that your spouse/partner is in lock-step with you on this. Also, I’ve learned that my own personality has been part of the problem! (Say, what?!) Yeah. So, not only did I need to learn to adjust how I handle all of the difference situations that pop up day-to-day and to change our routine, I needed to adjust my own personality and be more cheery and less frantic overall. Needless to say, I’m still working on that! I am a person that likes a lot of control and order…oh, and did I mention that I am a little short-tempered, too? Haha, yikes! I’ve had to learn to let A LOT of stuff go, speak more gently/ less firmly, walk away from conflicts and power struggles, and hand over a lot of power (positive power) to my children. I’ve also learned that children learn so much more from just sitting down with them and talking calmly and lovingly with them about their choices and about empathy (i.e. using time-IN), rather than just using time-outs as a means to direct behavior in the heat of the moment, which I can attest to, definitely doesn’t work. It does require a TON of extra effort, but it’s so worth it!!
After implementing the techniques from Positive Parenting Solutions, the above-mentioned books, and from various websites devoted to positive parenting, I have rarely had to raise my voice or even ground my children. They simply learn from the choices they make. Encouragement gives them a sense of significance and be more willing to cooperate. Positive power, positive attention, and helping out the family gives them their much-needed sense of belonging. I absolutely love this approach! Again, like anything new, it can have its ups and downs, and I’m definitely still learning myself! But, overall, there has been a very positive difference in our house, and I love the growth and change I’m seeing!
Mommy's Gotta Practice! 